Don't Waste Your Time

okay, this is crazy! i wasn't trying to decieve anyone. as mentioned before, the separation wasn't absolute and words were exchanged when circumstances came up. i'm really frustrated with all of you expecting so much of me. and the stuff people are saying really hurts. i can't be what you want. it was never meant to be a total break to pray and see whether or not this is what i wanted. i already know that it is. it was just a short hold off to satisfy the ones who thought that a separation would make me forget. doesn't mean i wasn't praying. but you know what, if you all are right, if i am wrong, if God isn't in this, then where does that leave me? if my prayers mean nothing, if my desires are naive, and if there's always something wrong with the decisions i make...then what's the point of going on? i'm not of any use to anybody--not this world, and definitely not to God (if He's real, that is). maybe i'm just fooling myself. i mean really...what insane person wants to give up everything and struggle through life? who the hell is crazy enough to see potential in an impossibility? and what kind of loser would want to work at a job that is overly risky and underappreciated? oh right, that would be me, the lunatic. just call me dumbass. the world would be a better place without fools like me. allow me to relieve you of my presence.