1. i almost got this job for four hours a week helping a lady with her laundry and ironing. i have no problem with doing such a job cuz i could really use the money. but mom says no. whether or not you agree with her, the point is that it was a few hours of honest labor for a few bucks. and even that is not allowed for me. "find a better job" they say. i'll tell you what i'm finding-- frustration.... everywhere i turn.
2. you asked me not to talk? fine. not to email? fine. not to chat? fine. not to have any communication? fine. but, not to hope? not to remember? not to feel? tell me, should i cut out my heart and bury it in the ground? or maybe i should just bury all of me? go ahead, tell me what to do. but don't tell me how to feel. because i can't do anything about the way i feel. it is what it is.
3. had a doctor's appointment today. talked to her about some stuff going on with my body for the last several years. at the end of everything, she asks me, "are you an anxious person?" i laughed when she asked. but it's true.
4. i know the value of education but i've come to despise the fact that i have a degree because it puts me in a certain category or class. which would be fine except that everyone seems to want to box me in. i didn't get an education so i could be better than somebody else or think more highly of myself. i got an education simply to get a education, to learn. and of course, because my parents made it a requirement if i was to ever leave and go for missions.
5. unfortunately, a new condition has been added, which is that if i want to go back, i can only go back with a husband, which i find completely unreasonable. the original agreement with my parents was that i finish my education and get a degree before launching into unknown territory. so it's rather unfair to spring this on me now. you may think me disobedient but i refuse. and thankfully, having realized the kind of person i'd choose to marry, they've decided it's probably better if i don't get married. except now the going back to india is kinda in jeopardy.
6. that burial idea sounds pretty good. if only suicide didn't promise hell.
7. God? i could really use a hand....
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2 comments:
Screw that. You're comin' to India with mee! Heck, I'LL be ur husband if they'd prefer, lol! :P
lol at Mira. Hey, I thought I was going to propose to Beni :) but I don't see myself going back to India, so nevermind.
Forget that, I'll be your supporter instead.
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