(an untitled essay)
There is this argument I keep hearing that seems to make sense upon first glance. But, try as I may, something just irks me about it and, until today, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Listen in on this conversation.
My burning question: Should we, as Christians, discriminate on the basis of race, language, social or financial status when it comes to marriage?
Everyone’s immediate answer: Of course not! Beni, you know me--I would never suggest a thing like that!
If you press the matter and offer specific situations, especially ones that strike close to home, we soon enter a discourse on this seemingly innocent issue of compatibility. And certainly it is important. Two people have to get along with each other right? Right. But I challenge you to take a second look. Compatibility. Sounds like such a nice word that makes so much sense. But really? Does it? Because I don't buy it anymore, and I would like to suggest that compatibility is really just a euphemistic argument that gives license to prejudice.
For example, let me tell you about Aladdin and Jasmine. Aladdin is a young man from the city of Argabah who finds himself in the company of the princess quite by chance. Undoubtedly, he's smitten by her beauty and she's taken by his charm. He is carefree, mischievous, hasn't a penny to his name, and commonly known as the street rat. School was bore so he didn't study too hard, but it's not to say he's not an intelligent guy. He has a few tricks up his sleeve and a genie watching out for him. Jasmine, on the other hand, is a princess. She was raised in luxury, and probably also educated and well traveled, with a number of suitors looking to make a mutually beneficial match. And one day, she will have to assume the throne. In the cartoon version, things work out somehow and no one but Jafar objects to the idea. But allow yourself to enter my storyline for a moment. Aladdin’s folks are clearly surprised and Jasmine's folks are undeniably livid. Imagine the scene at her place.
What do you see in that street rat? You are to be crowned Sultana, are you crazy to think he can be Sultan? They are not like us; they are commoners, village people; how can you think him suitable for forming an alliance? What does he have to offer you? How will he take care of you? We will surely lose our face in royal circles; how can you even think of bringing shame upon your family? You have nothing in common with that good-for-nothing boy! Are you out of your mind? Do you have any appreciation for the way we raised you? Etc.
We would probably find Jasmine, independent and strong-willed, standing her ground and defending Aladdin as best she could against the deluge of harshly negative responses from those closest to her. When convincing her folks fails miserably, I imagine she may have turned to a close friend or two who would have tried to make her understand using a slightly different method. Listen in.
You’re right; they shouldn't be talking about him like that. But look, girl, we trust your judgment and Aladdin’s probably a great guy. But do you really think you guys are compatible? Think about it, he is so different from you. You are royalty and he's not. And how would he get along with your family? He doesn't have anything in common with them, or you. I know this is difficult for you, but maybe you just need to let him go. He can take care of himself and I’m sure he'll do well in life if he's as awesome as you say he is. But you need to think about your future as Sultana and choose a suitor who can stand by you in that position.
Two very different sounding arguments but they essentially say the exact same thing. The first approach blatantly insists that Aladdin obviously doesn't reach Jasmine's status financially, socially, educationally, intellectually, etc. The second approach points out all the same differences, but in a much more gentle fashion. Discrimination is the foundation of both arguments, but one masquerades under the guise of compatibility. I’m not saying that these differences should be taken lightly. Most certainly they should be addressed and settled. But they shouldn't be considered grounds for outright rejection. To put it differently, this whole notion of compatibility reeks of good old discrimination gift-wrapped in supposed goodwill.
There is a third argument also. It might go something like this. What kind of boy is this Aladdin? Doesn’t he know how much pain and trouble he is causing for Jasmine and her family? Why doesn't he just leave her alone? He should forget about her and pursue someone in his own league. He is a fool to be going after something unattainable and so far beyond his reach. But hold on a minute. Should he just let her go? Should he give up? Is the fact that he is poor reason enough to throw away his hopes? Does he not have just as much a right to dream as anyone else? Or are his dreams somehow less valuable because he wasn't born a prince? It’s easy to disregard what we don't value, or who we don’t value. It’s important to remember that God created him just as lovingly and carefully as He created everyone else, with feelings and desires and everything we are humanly capable of.
Let’s leave the city of Agrabah for now and come back to reality. Different? Perhaps. Not as much as we imagine I would argue. Not every poor guy in this world has a genie to watch his back. But I’d say that every Christian, rich or poor, has the Creator ordaining his steps. Forget three wishes. Jehovah Jireh is Providence Himself. Some are blessed to be born into well to do families. Others struggle through life. Some make it. Some don't. But who are we to judge? In fact, Scripture doesn't make a distinction as to which is better. But it does warn us not to run after riches or status or even good looks. Ever heard of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life? And it clearly commands us to love and treat all men and women equally because God has created us as such. In fact, we are to esteem others as higher than ourselves; and it doesn't say to esteem them higher only if they are wealthier than us or they have a better social standing. We are to esteem regardless. And when society ignorantly raises barriers, as Believers, we are to tear them down and lift up the standard that is Christ, the true standard of love, humility, respect, kindness, long-suffering, etc.
Now, I know that Aladdin is just a made-up story. We don't find such dramatic occurrences in our everyday lives. Generally speaking, people live in a bubble, interacting only with others who are similar to them. Think about it, your friends are usually a lot like you. That’s why you became friends in the first place. And even when love and romance take place under such circumstances, the differences are not so vast as was the case in our story. But I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that Aladdin and Jasmine are completely foreign to us. There are times, and maybe God plans it this way, when an Aladdin and Jasmine plot might pop up in the most unexpected of places. But, should it happen, let us not forget that we are Believers called to a different way of life and interaction. Let’s not make a judgment based on the standards of this world. Let’s allow God to write the story, as impossible as it may seem, because surely He is a God of miracles and wonders. And what better way for God to receive the glory than a story so humanly impossible that only He could have written it.
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